Match Report: Ibstone C.C. Vs. H.C. Trotters C.C. (40 overs)
Sunday 1st July 2012
By Kris Macnamara (aided and abetted by red wine)
There was an eerie silence on Sunday morning when I had to climb over Clayton’s roof at 8am to drive home and get a few hours shut eye. It was like the God’s themselves were giving me the silent treatment.
Ed woke me from what should have been a near eternal slumber to get us on our way to the Trotters third game of the season.Just like ‘Nam we managed to cross enemy lines and get Tommy. Never leave a man behind. After probably giving the order through the night he responded to the call “GET TO THE CHOPPER!” and we were away with essential provisions of OJ and doughnuts. My hiatus hernia was giving me hell but I tried to not let on to the Captain. We discussed the terrors of the night before and after a careful approach using uncharted tracks we arrived at Ibstone. A real one horse town; and the horse was sleeping. We found the rest of our buddies by the clubhouse. They looked fresh and like they’d not seen any trigger time in weeks. We took it in turns to change into our kit – was the changing room small or were we giants? Catching practice went well. Too well.
We opted to get straight in to the field and try and dig ourselves in. It was what we knew best. It looked like we’d made the right call when we took out their G. Bridges before they could get to double figures. We thought we’d done the right thing but we’d just unleashed the partnership of Commander North and Lord A. Haw-Haw. At first our attacks seemed to hold them back but then they beat us back and back until it looked like we were done for. Then Captain EHMFHR Wolfenden stepped up himself, bit the pin out and threw for all he was worth and removed his opposite number from the field of conflict (31) leaving what, when I look back on it now, I can only assume were the remains of stumps.. Haw-Haw was an even tougher customer. At times it felt like he was taunting us with the more damn good men we used up. Lambert fought valiantly and came out relatively unscathed in the opening tussles but all the guys who put themselves in the firing line came out hurting by the end. Only Radclyffe came away not nursing some hurt pride. But we took some of them with us goddammit – JW took out Crowder (19) and Tommy stumped Hester (28).
Sun Tzu said all war is based on deception and when Haw-Haw perceived he had us beaten Radclyffe struck with such venom the he could only flail and repel it straight up in the air where gravity and Tommy took over to bring an end to a mighty warrior. After this they merely eked out their overs and finished on 207, a target we now felt attainable after staring into the abyss earlier in the day..
It was a “Batters Tea” (6/10), where you’re perfectly happy to not stuff yourself as you don’t want to weigh yourself down in the field. Ahem. Char’s cakes were outside of the vote but were of course excellent.
At the time of writing I don’t have the hard facts but as I remember it Ed and Tommy went out there and they looked mean. Then Tommy (3ish) came back and Amit (2ish) replaced him on the front line. He then made way for John. John didn’t make it (exactly 0) and made way for Pat. Pat (zip) made way for me and I (nada) made way for Charlie. By this time Ed was feeling like a concierge – welcoming them in and wishing them a pleasant stay and then putting an arm round their shoulder and telling them he’d miss them. Before we’re judged too hard in the annals of history remember this – in the first change they brought on a boy, a flame haired boy who mortals called Herndon (sp). And Herndon had a hardon for our middle order. He obviously sold his soul to the Devil for his talent and in the return Lucipher hid his child behind bins of steel and locks of Auburn. Thankfully Charlie, who has been known to play cricket to an acceptable standard in the past, managed to repel this demon and with many blocks, he and Ed saw off Herndon. I can only assume it was the elation of removing such a menace that allowed Charlie to have a lapse in concentration and get done by a slowy (21ish). Ed hailed him a taxi and made sure the cabbie didn’t rip him off on the way back to the airport. To truly appreciate the fragility of life, one must experience fragility within ones own body. Stuart McCann is no stranger to incident and he exhibited the Thousand Yard Stare of a man who feared nothing. He waited until he could see the whites of the bowler’s eyes and hit for all he was worth. Sadly during this period of almost total dominance, our leader (40) fell fowl of a fantastic ball from Ali. Lambert entered the arena and showed the kind of steely determination that could get him a podium position in go karting against Formula 1 drivers next week. Stu fell eventually to an outstanding one handed take from Ali – he trudged off on one leg with his runner, who looked in much worse shape than him, leading to some fist bumping to usher in the season batting debut of Wickenden, who had shown flashes of greatness and madness with the ball. He had a simple remit – stay in and don’t give them satisfaction of taking us. He and Lambert closed out the day valiantly and according to some quarters the match should be considered a draw!!!
Man of The Match: Medal of Honour goes to Ed, as much for getting two wickets and 40 runs as for giving me and Tommy a lift.
Tea Score; 6 out of 10.